In a world where we can connect with anyone in an instant, why does dating feel lonelier than ever? For many singles in Australia and beyond, inconsistent communication isn’t just a frustration – it’s a pattern that erodes confidence, causes confusion and leaves emotional scars long after the last text is sent (or not sent at all).
Let’s get to the bottom of it: ghosting, breadcrumbing and vague intentions – three modern dating habits that are more common than we care to admit.
👻 Ghosting: The Vanishing Act That Hurts
Ghosting is when someone you’re talking to just stops communicating altogether without warning or explanation. No call. No text. No “not feeling it”. Just silence.
Why It Hurts:
- It invalidates all the time and emotional energy you invested.
- It leaves no room for closure, so you’re left wondering.
- It turns what could’ve been a respectful exit into a psychological cliffhanger.
Despite it being more common than ever, ghosting still hurts, especially when things seemed to be going well. For many, it triggers a cycle of self-doubt: “Did I say something wrong?” “Were they ever into me?” “Am I not worth a proper goodbye?”
Why People Ghost:
- Avoidance of awkward confrontation
- Fear of being the ‘bad guy’
- Overwhelm or indecision
- Simply losing interest but lacking the emotional maturity to communicate it
🍞 Breadcrumbing: False Hope Wrapped in Flattery
Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you interested, but never enough to build anything meaningful. A late-night “hey stranger” text, a reaction to your story, or a vague promise to meet up “sometime” are all breadcrumbs.
It’s not connection—it’s control.
Why It’s Toxic:
- It exploits emotional vulnerability for validation.
- It delays healing by keeping hope alive.
- It creates a loop of anticipation that rarely ends in satisfaction.
Common Breadcrumbing Tactics
1. Sporadic Messaging
Sending occasional texts or reactions to keep you engaged without committing to a real conversation.
2. Vague Promises
Statements like “We should hang out soon” or “Let’s plan something” never materialise.
3. Emotional Baiting
Dropping hints of interest or affection to elicit a response, only to disappear again.
4. Social Media Engagement
Liking posts, watching stories, or leaving comments to maintain a presence without direct communication.
Breadcrumbing often comes from people who aren’t sure what they want. They crave attention but not commitment. They like the idea of you, but not the effort required to actually show up.
🌫️ Vague Intentions: When Words Say Nothing At All
Nothing is more confusing than trying to figure out a “let’s see where this goes” or “I’m just vibing right now” when you’re really looking for a connection. Vague communication sounds like openness but is often just avoidance in disguise.
Vague Talk Red Flags:
- “I’m not sure what I’m looking for right now.”
- “Let’s keep it casual and chill.”
- “We’ll catch up soon”, but never do.
- Constant deflection of any emotional depth
It’s totally fine not to know what you want, but being transparent about that is key. Ambiguity without honesty leaves the other person hanging, confused, misled and frustrated.
🔁 The Psychological Toll of Inconsistency
Inconsistent communication doesn’t just waste time—it chips away at confidence and trust.
Key Impacts
Self-worth
The silence and mixed signals can make you wonder if you’re worth it and lead to feelings of not being good enough and self-doubt.
Attachment Issues
Inconsistency breeds anxiety and pushes people towards unhealthy attachment patterns like anxious or avoidant behaviours. This can show up as hypervigilance, overthinking or emotional withdrawal.
Cynicism
It can turn hopeful daters into sceptics and make future connections harder to form and foster a defensive mindset that resists vulnerability.
Rejection Sensitivity
Ambiguous communication can heighten rejection sensitivity, amplify emotional responses, and create a cycle of fear and avoidance.
Emotional Dysregulation
The uncertainty and lack of closure can disrupt emotional balance and lead to mood swings, irritability and difficulty processing emotions.
Neurobiological Impact
Prolonged exposure to mixed signals can hyperactivate threat systems in the brain and make it harder to trust future interactions.
💬 So, What’s the Solution?
We can’t control how others show up, but we can set boundaries and lead with clarity:
- 💡 Say what you mean. It sets the tone and filters out the vague.
- 🚫 Don’t accept crumbs. If communication feels empty, speak up or walk away.
- ✨ Exit with kindness. Ending things nicely prevents ghosting from becoming normal.
- 🧠 Trust patterns over promises. Words are nice; behaviour is truth.
- 🤝 Consider matchmaking services. Professional matchmakers can help you find intentional connections aligned with your values and goals.
More Dating Tips
1. Build Emotional Resilience
Work on self-care practices like mindfulness, journaling or therapy to build your emotional foundation. Resilience helps you bounce back from setbacks and approach dating with a positive attitude.
2. Communicate Assertively
Learn to express your needs and boundaries clearly and respectfully. Assertive communication fosters mutual understanding and reduces the likelihood of misinterpretation.
3. Embrace Vulnerability
While it’s natural to guard your heart, being open and authentic can lead to deeper connections. Vulnerability is a strength that invites trust and intimacy.
4. Seek Support from Trusted Friends
Share your experiences with close friends or a support group. Their insights and encouragement can provide valuable perspective and emotional support.
5. Focus on Personal Growth
Utilise your dating journey as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. Reflect on your values, goals, and what truly matters to you in a relationship.
6. Getting Support from a Dating Coach: Clarity, Confidence & Connection
Navigating modern dating can feel like a psychological maze, especially when faced with ghosting, breadcrumbing, or vague communication. A professional dating coach can help you cut through the noise and:
✅ Reboot
Get yourself back after a rough dating experience. Dating coaching gives you practical tools and emotional support.
✅ Set Boundaries
Learn to set and keep clear, healthy boundaries that match your values. Whether you’re an overachiever or fear conflict, coaching can help you shift your mindset.
✅ Unravel Mixed Signals
Understand those confusing behaviour patterns—whether it’s breadcrumbing, vague talk or hot-and-cold—and learn to respond with clarity and power.
✅ Build Resilience
Dating coaching goes beyond tactics—it helps you build the emotional resilience to stay grounded, bounce back from setbacks and date with awareness and strength.
Dating should be fun, not exhausting. When we normalise real talk, the whole dating experience gets kinder, cleaner and more authentic for everyone.
By addressing the root of inconsistent communication—ghosting, breadcrumbing or vague intentions—we can create a dating culture that values respect, clarity and emotional well-being. This benefits individuals and lays the foundation for healthier relationships and deeper connections.
Ultimately it all starts with self awareness and intentionality. By setting boundaries, being open and seeking alignment in values singles can navigate the dating world with more confidence and hope.
If you want more personalised guidance, our dating coaching services are here to help. Whether it’s building confidence, setting boundaries or navigating the complexities of modern dating, we’re here to support you every step of the way.
