The dating landscape is shifting. While “getting the ick” has dominated our romantic vocabulary for years, a new trend called “stICKing” is challenging singles to reconsider their approach to modern dating.
If you’ve been single in the age of dating apps, you know the drill. One awkward moment, one off-putting comment, one slightly unflattering photo angle, and suddenly you’re mentally composing your exit strategy. We’ve become experts at spotting the “ick” – that instant feeling of romantic revulsion that makes us want to unmatch, ghost, or politely decline that second date.
But what if our hair-trigger response to minor turn-offs is actually keeping us single?
The Rise of “StICKing” in Modern Dating
Enter “stICKing” – the conscious decision to give someone a genuine second chance instead of immediately running from minor red flags or awkward moments. This emerging dating trend suggests that our quick-to-judge mentality might be sabotaging our chances at real connection.
Unlike the immediate visceral reaction of “getting the ick,” stICKing requires patience, emotional maturity, and the recognition that first impressions aren’t always accurate. It’s about looking beyond surface-level imperfections to see if there’s genuine compatibility underneath.
The Dating App Illusion: Why We Think We Have Endless Options
Dating apps have fundamentally changed how we view romantic possibilities. With thousands of potential matches literally at our fingertips, we’ve developed what psychologists call “choice overload.” The apparent abundance of options creates a dangerous illusion that the perfect person is just one swipe away.
This digital buffet of dating options has trained us to approach relationships like we’re shopping online. Don’t like something about this person? No problem – there are plenty more where they came from. But here’s the reality check: most of those matches won’t lead to meaningful conversations, let alone actual dates.
The Numbers Game That’s Rigging Against You
Research shows that the average person swipes through hundreds of profiles to get a handful of matches, and even fewer of those matches turn into real dates. Despite feeling like we have infinite choices, the actual pool of compatible, available, and genuinely interested people is much smaller than dating apps make it appear.
This creates a paradox: the very platforms designed to help us find love are programming us to be hyper-critical and commitment-phobic. We’ve become so focused on finding the “perfect” match that we’re dismissing potentially great partners for the most trivial reasons.
The Psychology Behind “Getting the Ick”
The “ick” isn’t entirely unfounded – sometimes our gut instincts protect us from genuinely incompatible or problematic partners. However, our modern dating environment has amplified this response far beyond its useful purpose.
Common “Icks” That Might Not Matter
Many of the turn-offs that send us running aren’t actually deal-breakers:
- Nervous first-date behaviour: Awkward small talk, fidgeting, or overthinking responses
- Different communication styles: Texting frequency, emoji usage, or conversation preferences
- Minor lifestyle differences: Food choices, entertainment preferences, or social media habits
- Physical quirks: Laugh style, walking pace, or clothing choices that don’t align with your aesthetic
These surface-level differences often have nothing to do with long-term compatibility, shared values, or relationship potential.
When First Date Nerves Masquerade as Incompatibility
First dates are inherently stressful situations. Even the most charming, confident people can come across as awkward when they’re nervous about making a good impression. That person who seemed boring during coffee might be incredibly witty once they relax. The one who appeared too eager might just be genuinely excited about meeting you.
The Grass-Is-Greener Trap
The constant availability of new matches feeds into our natural tendency toward “grass-is-greener” thinking. Instead of investing time and energy into getting to know someone better, we’re always wondering if someone more attractive, funnier, or more successful is just a swipe away.
This mentality creates a vicious cycle:
- We meet someone with potential but minor flaws
- We assume someone “better” exists on the apps
- We end things prematurely to keep our options open
- We repeat the pattern with the next person
- We remain perpetually single, convinced that we just haven’t found “the one” yet
The Cost of Constant Comparison Shopping
Treating dating like comparison shopping comes with hidden costs. Every time we bail on someone with potential, we’re not just losing that specific connection – we’re reinforcing patterns that make it harder to form deep relationships in the future.
We become increasingly picky, increasingly impatient, and increasingly unable to see past surface imperfections to the person underneath. Meanwhile, we’re missing out on the organic process of getting to know someone gradually, which is how most successful long-term relationships actually develop.
The Case for StICKing: Why Second Chances Matter
StICKing isn’t about lowering your standards or settling for less. It’s about recognising that meaningful connections take time to develop and that initial awkwardness doesn’t predict long-term compatibility.
The Science of Slow-Burn Attraction
Research in relationship psychology shows that attraction can grow over time as we get to know someone better. The “mere exposure effect” demonstrates that we tend to develop preferences for things we’re familiar with – including people.
Many successful long-term couples report that they weren’t immediately smitten with each other. Instead, their feelings developed gradually as they discovered shared interests, values, and humour styles that weren’t apparent on the first date.
Real Success Stories from StICKing
Consider these scenarios where stICKing paid off:
Sarah and Mike: She initially found his nervous laughter annoying, but gave him another chance after friends encouraged her to look beyond first-date jitters. They’ve been together three years and recently got engaged.
James and Lisa: He thought she was too quiet and serious during their coffee date. On their second date – a cooking class she suggested – he discovered she was actually hilarious and thoughtful, just more reserved in unfamiliar settings.
These relationships might never have happened if either person had relied solely on first impressions.
The Pros and Cons of Each Approach
The Benefits of StICKing
Deeper connections: Taking time to really get to know someone allows for more meaningful relationships based on genuine compatibility rather than surface attraction.
Personal growth: Learning to see past minor flaws helps develop emotional maturity and relationship skills that benefit all your future connections.
Reduced dating burnout: Spending more time with fewer people can be less exhausting than constantly starting over with new matches.
Better outcomes: Many successful relationships start with lukewarm first impressions that improve over time.
When Getting the Ick Makes Sense
Genuine red flags: Disrespectful behaviour, dishonesty, or fundamental value misalignments are valid reasons to walk away immediately.
No basic chemistry: If you feel absolutely nothing after giving someone a fair chance, it’s okay to acknowledge incompatibility.
Safety concerns: Trust your instincts about situations or people that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Different life goals: Major incompatibilities around children, career priorities, or lifestyle choices are worth taking seriously.
The Downsides of Each Approach
StICKing risks: You might invest time in connections that ultimately don’t work out, or ignore legitimate concerns in the name of giving chances.
Ick risks: You might dismiss great potential partners over trivial issues, or become so hypercritical that no one measures up to your impossible standards.
How to Strike the Right Balance
The key isn’t to abandon your standards or ignore your instincts entirely. Instead, it’s about developing the wisdom to distinguish between minor turn-offs and genuine deal-breakers.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Before writing someone off after one date, consider:
- Is this behavior likely due to first-date nerves?
- Would this trait actually affect a long-term relationship?
- Am I comparing this person to an unrealistic standard?
- Have I given them a chance to show other sides of their personality?
- Is this a values conflict or just a style difference?
The Three-Date Rule Revisited
Many relationship experts suggest giving someone at least three dates before making a final decision, assuming there are no major red flags. This gives both people time to relax, show different sides of themselves, and see if there’s genuine potential beyond first impressions.
This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to date someone you’re not interested in, but rather being open to the possibility that attraction and compatibility can grow with familiarity.
Practical Tips for Modern Singles
For the Serial “Ickers”
If you find yourself constantly getting the ick, try these strategies:
Keep a dating journal: Track what turns you off and look for patterns. Are you being reasonable or overly critical?
Practice gratitude: After each date, note three positive things about the person, even if you’re not interested.
Limit your active matches: Having fewer options reduces the temptation to constantly comparison shop.
Ask friends for perspective: Sometimes outside observers can help you see if you’re being too picky.
For the Natural “StICKers”
If you tend to give everyone multiple chances, make sure you’re not ignoring important warning signs:
Trust your safety instincts: Never stick around if someone makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
Set clear boundaries: It’s okay to walk away from people who consistently disrespect your boundaries or values.
Don’t confuse potential with reality: Focus on who someone is now, not who they could become.
Value your own time: Three dates is generous; beyond that, you should feel genuine excitement about seeing them again.
The Bottom Line: Quality Over Quantity in Dating
The stICKing trend reflects a broader shift toward more intentional, quality-focused dating. Rather than treating potential partners like disposable commodities, more singles are choosing to invest in fewer, deeper connections.
This approach requires patience in an instant-gratification culture, and vulnerability in an environment that often rewards emotional detachment. But for those willing to push past surface-level judgments, the rewards can be significant.
Redefining Success in Dating
Success in modern dating isn’t about how many matches you get or how quickly you can identify deal-breakers. It’s about developing the emotional intelligence to recognise genuine compatibility when it appears, even if it doesn’t match your preconceived notions of the perfect partner.
The most fulfilling relationships often come from unexpected places, with people who might not have seemed perfect on paper but turned out to be perfect for you. StICKing gives those connections the chance to develop naturally, without the pressure of instant perfection.
Moving Forward: A New Approach to Modern Romance
As we navigate the complex world of digital dating, perhaps it’s time to reconsider our approach. Instead of swiping through endless profiles looking for perfection, we might find more success by slowing down, staying open, and giving genuine connections room to grow.
The next time you feel that familiar ick creeping in, pause and ask yourself: Is this a real incompatibility, or just an opportunity to practice stICKing? Your future relationship might depend on the answer.
Remember, the goal isn’t to find someone perfect – it’s to find someone perfect for you. And sometimes, that person is hiding behind first-date nerves, wearing an outfit you wouldn’t choose, or telling a joke that doesn’t quite land. StICKing gives you the chance to see past these surface details to the person underneath.
In a world of infinite options and instant judgments, choosing to stick around might just be the most radical act of all.
Ready to try stICKing in your own dating life? Start by approaching your next first date with curiosity instead of judgment. You might be surprised by what you discover when you give someone – and yourself – the gift of a second chance.
Struggling to Break Your “Instant Ick” Patterns? Here’s How Dating Coaching Can Help
If you recognise yourself in this article but find it hard to change your dating mindset on your own, you’re not alone. Many singles know they’re being too critical or impatient, but breaking these patterns requires more than just awareness—it takes personalised strategies and accountability.
A skilled dating coach can help you:
- Identify your blind spots: Recognise when you’re dismissing great potential partners for superficial reasons versus legitimate red flags
- Develop emotional intelligence: Learn to read situations more accurately and give people appropriate chances to show their authentic selves
- Reframe your dating approach: Shift from a scarcity mindset (endless swiping) to an abundance mindset (quality connections)
- Practice “stICKing” safely: Get guidance on when to give second chances and when to trust your instincts to walk away
- Build confidence: Reduce dating anxiety that might be causing you to overanalyse every interaction
The difference between knowing what you should do and actually doing it consistently is often the support of someone who understands modern dating psychology. A good dating coach doesn’t just give generic advice—they help you develop a personalised approach that works with your personality, lifestyle, and relationship goals.
Ready to stop the endless cycle of first dates that go nowhere? Sometimes an outside perspective is exactly what you need to finally break through to meaningful connections.
